Category Archives: the usual drivel

I don’t know where else to put this stuff

As long as we’re reminiscing: Jere’s number one meltdown at the Oakland Coliseum Edition

Posted on by
1

To set the scene, Odie and I are sitting field level with White Sox fan behind us. After not scoring any runs in the previous two games, the A’s are on the board against the White Sox, but struggling to stay in it after ace Rich Harden has been knocked out of the game. With one out in the top of the sixth, the frustration boiled over. From the post recapping the entire game:

The inning’s dramatic conclusion illustrates beautifully the problem with people sitting field level. With Sox Tad Iguchi (a good runner) on third, Paul Konerko lifted a high, shallow fly ball to right center. As A’s CF Mark Kotsay called off RF Nick Swisher and positioned himself for a throw to the plate, Iguchi prepared to tag up. The ball was shallow enough that I figured Iguchi would fake a dash to the plate and draw a throw from Kotsay. Meanwhile, ignorant White Sox fan is proclaiming, “That’ll score him! That’ll get him in!” The outstanding A’s outfielder made the catch, and to my surprise the runner challenged him. Kotsay’s throw to the plate was perfect, and as the catcher applied the tag, I turned to the fool behind me and lost all restraint. I focused all of the frustration of listening to his inane conversation with the equally ignorant A’s fan sitting with him. “Did he score? I didn’t see! That’ll score him! Yep, that’ll get him home! Wait, was he out? That’ll score him!” I yelled. According to Odie, the rest of our neighbors looked at me with a mixture of awe and fear. I suppose that makes sense since I had said almost nothing up until this point. In any case, this particular idiot kept his mouth shut the rest of the game.

The A’s came back to win 9-7, one of the most satisfying victories I’ve watched at the Coliseum.

Winner, winner, pizza dinner

Posted on by
Reply

[I won a Trader Joe's gift card!]

If you shop at Safeway, they give you a 3 cent credit each time you bring in reusable bags. When you bring reusable bags to Trader Joe’s, you get to enter a raffle for a $25 gift card. Four years of shopping at Trader Joe’s times one trip per week per year finally pays off. So I’m $19 up by shopping at Trader Joe’s.

Within the span of four years, I have now won:

  • $25 gift card for iTunes
  • Google messenger bag
  • $25 gift card for Trader Joe’s

    • I am now revising my “one-win-per-decade” model.

    Top Four Things I Learned from the World Cup

    Posted on by
    Reply

    Every four years the USA is reminded that “football” is short for “association football” everywhere else in the world and that it can be, in fact, be played by grown men. Here’s what we learned from the latest installment of the World Cup:

    • The worst sound ever. I thought the wave was the lowest form of fan participation. Then I met the vuvuzela.
    • Leonardo DiCaprio is a Mountaineer fan. He’s not from West Virginia. He didn’t go to West Virginia. But there he was, on television, wearing the golden WV hat.
    • Pac-10 refs never looked better. We recently had a situation in this country where an umpire blatantly missed a call that cost a pitcher a historic accomplishment. By the end of the day, he acknowledged the mistake and apologized. Everyone involved was heralded for their maturity and sportsmanship. At the World Cup, the US had a free kick immediately blown dead that would have resulted in a goal. What was the official’s call? Nobody knows. He refused to speak to any players on the pitch that day. Nice work FIFA.
    • Spain wins the title. Racists rejoice. Apparently Spain is an incredibly talented team and they had never been to a WC final before. So good for them. It makes me a bit sick though that fans that made monkey chants at black British players at a match in 2004 are happy about anything. This wasn’t a few bad apples. This was the majority of the stadium. Apparently 2000s Spain = 1940s US.

    So annoying horns, celebrities, poor officiating, and racist fans. It all adds up to the most popular sport in the world.

    Isn’t that the default?

    Posted on by
    2

    I got a haircut the other day. Two things:

    1) The stylist asked me what temperature I wanted the water when washing my hair. Um. Warm, not scalding? Is there any other temperature for washing hair?

    2) Most of the stylists at this place have tattoos, which is fine. But I saw one with a tattoo of a cupcake on her arm. This is unnecessary. You’re human, so you probably like cupcakes. The only acceptable cupcake tattoo is one with the circle and line through it to indicate that you’re anti-cupcake. Otherwise, I’ll do the cupcake math.

    Ten in 2010: Ten things I meant to post about in February and March

    Posted on by
    Reply

    1) This post is brought to you by ATT phone technician Milton. I like to say that the only people I hate more than the phone company is the cable company. However, this might be selling ATT a bit short, if our recent experience with their customer service is any indication. Our DSL had been cutting out any time we weren’t using the telephone, a condition known as a “high open.” Now granted, it took several visits by various technicians and several calls to the repair line, but everyone we dealt with was extremely apologetic and helpful to the best of their ability. Then we got to Milton, who after checking everything outside, gave me his cell number to arrange to check the inside wiring in the evening the next day. It turned out our outlet was corroded, which Milton dealt with in short order at no charge.

    2) Curling blackout. If there’s one sporting event that I want to see on a quadrennial basis, it’s curling. Thanks to NBC’s decision to lock down their online access to people with cable, I was forced to endure a curling blackout during these past winter games. In 2006, when I watched almost every US curling match, the men won a bronze medal. This time, without my observation, the men and women both finished 2-7, both in dead last. This is your fault NBC. 2014: I will pay up to twenty dollars for unlimited and unfettered streaming of the Winter Olympics. Make it happen NBC, if you’re real Americans.

    3) 3 – The number of papers I will be listed as coauthor from a previous affiliation. This is a good thing.

    4) 4 – The minimum number of years postdoc I will work. Unclear if this is a bad thing, but it can’t be a good thing.

    5) Down with stimulus funds! Long live the stimulus funds! The great thing about living in the internet age is that we can check on things. Like these 114 knuckleheads that were against the stimulus before they were for it. Oopsie daisy!

    6) 6 – The number of replacement level catchers you need if you’re the New York Mets: Santos, Blanco, Thole, Coste, Riggans, and Barajas. (I suppose I should add that only one of these guys was around last year. FIVE of them are new!) I’m sure there’s a new idiom in there somewhere. It’s the baseball equivalent to rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Got a pitching staff with one reliable starter? Sign a replacement level catcher. No offense from the right side of your infield? Sign a replacement level catcher. No defense from the right side of your infield? Sign a replacement level catcher. Did you just pay $140 million and only win 70 games. Sign a replacement level catcher. Problem solved.

    7) Did I mention how awesome AT&T technician Milton is?

    8) 8 – The number of years more that the Yankees will have to drool over Joe Mauer. After an unnamed scout said that Mauer, largely considered one of the three best players in baseball, would be the next catcher for the Yankees, fans from started acting like it was their god given right to own Mauer. Well, here’s a message to “The Universe” from Twins fans: Go to hell.

    9) If you live in Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, South Carolina, or Texas don’t fill out your census! Seriously! Are you going to let the insidious Obama led government count you? Well are you!?!? They can’t be trusted with this information!! The government is out to get you, and the best way to stay safe is to hide from them for at least one year!

    10) Best birthday present ever?

    Opening Day: the inner inner dialogue of a Mets fan

    Posted on by
    Reply

    Opening Day! After a long, cold winter, it’s finally here! Instead of following trade rumors and free agent negotiations and news stories about guys in “the best shape of his life” we have actual games to look forward to. And for Mets fans it’s going to be so sweet. We got kicked around last year, but it’s a new year and everybody is tied for first! Hey, we even won our first game of the season. 1-0! We’re on our way back to the top of the National League! That Johan Santana pitched great today!

    Yes, Santana will be good, but do you know who starts on Wednesday? John Maine, who missed half of last season with injury, and when he did pitch, he alternated between competent and awful. He’s followed up by Ollie Perez, who also missed half of last season with injury. That was the productive part of his season. Jonathon Niese has eight starts in his major league career and will probably be the team’s second best pitcher.

    Oh, but don’t forget Mike Pelfrey! He was a first round draft pick and is a real up-and-comer! He’s a ground ball machine!

    Exactly, he’s a ground ball machine. Unfortunately, there’s nobody in the infield to pick up those ground balls. With Mike Jacobs, Luis Castillo, and Alex Cora forming 3/4 of the infield, those ground balls aren’t going to be outs. They’re going to be singles. Get ready for runners on first-and-third all the time, and innings that last 45 minutes.

    That’s ok because Casillo and Cora are character guys. They’ll make up for it in the clubhouse! And Jacobs has 30+ home run potential!

    Honestly, I would prefer it if Castillo and Cora would stab somebody in the neck. Then at least they’d have to be good at baseball to stick with the team. Jacobs was also released by the Royals. The worst team in the majors, both on and off the field decided that Mike Jacobs was not good enough to be on their team. He was the opening day starter at first base for the New York Mets.

    But the Mets have so many stars: David Wright, Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes, Jason Bay, Johan Santana, Frankie Rodriguez!

    This is the most depressing part. Wright is brilliant, and Santana is a joy to watch, although he probably isn’t the-best-pitcher-on-the-planet(TM) anymore. Don’t let the nay-sayers fool you, Reyes and Beltran are among the best players in baseball when healthy. Jason Bay is a great hitter as well. Despite having a core group of guys that few teams can match, some interesting young players, the third highest payroll in the majors, the largest TV market in the US, and a brand new ballpark, the Mets are so poorly run that they will be a .500 baseball team struggling for third place. Even with all of those stars, the rest of the team is so bad that they will be dragged down into mediocrity. And not only will they be mediocre, they will be mediocre in the worst possible way, alienating their best players, disrupting the development of their few promising prospects, and generally acting like they have everything under control and if they can just patch this hole and that hole, they will be back in the playoffs.

    Hmmm. That’s quite a downer. What is a Mets fan supposed to do then?

    Savor every game that Santana pitches and every time Wright is at bat. Pray that Reyes and Beltran come back healthy. And hope beyond hope that Minaya and company are fired before they can do any more permanent damage.

    Ten in 2010: Ten things I meant to post about in January

    Posted on by
    Reply

    1) NBC pushes Conan out. NBC has decided that America wants more ‘headlines’ and less old time baseball. And forget about hearing a new and interesting band for the first time on network tv. It’s funny though that America didn’t seem interested in Jay Leno at 10 pm. Is it such a sure thing that these Leno viewers that NBC is courting are going to follow him back to 11:30? Is it a $40 million guarantee? I guess we’ll have to wait to see how NBC’s grand experiment of jerking everyone around turns out. And how about that Andy Richter, who hasn’t been on a show that survived a season since leaving Conan’s side in the 90s.
    Michael Ian Black‘s take on the resonance of the NBC late night debacle.

    2) Mets botch Beltran surgery. I hate a lot of things about the Mets, but I love a few things. Carlos Beltran is one of them. He’s the best center fielder in baseball, and it’s not particularly close. So how the Mets could discourage him from having surgery in the middle of a lost season to get ready for the next season is incomprehensible. And then after rehab setbacks in December, discouraging him again from having surgery in time to be ready for the upcoming season is incomprehensible. And then when he tells the team he’s having the surgery, nobody seems to know what the hell is going on or even whether he told them about the surgery or not. One minute they say Beltran went behind their backs, and the next they say they knew about the surgery but disapproved, and the next they say they signed off on the whole deal. Of course, this is pissing off Beltran, who is up for free agency after 2011. All I know is that when you have very few players that contribute in a positive fashion, you want them to (A) play baseball and (B) want to continue playing baseball for you. The Mets seem uninterested in either of these scenarios.
    It all makes more sense when you look at the Mets’ decision flowchart.

    3) Haiti and New Orleans. A while back I heard a homily by a missionary working in Haiti. He said that the poverty was so severe that people were forced to eat mud. I’m not sure how much more impoverished a place can be. So the response of generosity was heartening. But it made me think about Katrina and the response to the devistation in New Orleans. We basically rounded everyone up and put them in the Superdome because “Americans won’t live in tent cities.” We had a former first lady say that people from New Orleans were better off after the hurricane than before. Was there a telethon? I’m probably not remembering completely correctly, but the response to Katrina is a top five American disgrace.

    4) Ok Go and the Band of the Fighting Irish. OK Go is best known for their work on treadmills. The University of Notre Dame Marching Band paid tribute as part of their 2008 halftime program. Now they team up for more video gold: This Too Shall Pass.

    5) Golden Globes / Ricky Gervais. I hate award shows. There is nothing appealing to me about three hours of inoffensive non-humor and celebrity self-aggrandizement. So it’s a testament to the brilliance of Ricky Gervais that I could watch the entire Golden Globes ceremony, highlighted by calling Mel Gibson a worthless drunk. Here’s the opening monologue.

    6) Obama. Let’s see. Entered office with giant messes in the economy, foreign policy, health care, climate change, immigration, etc. Half of his party is useless, and the other party wants to take their ball and go home. Why does anyone want this job again?

    7) Lost. We are living in the golden age of television. The fact that there’s enough out there that I missed Lost for five years is ridiculous. Thankfully ABC actually wants people to watch their programming, so they have all five previous seasons of Lost online for free, which Mel and I consumed in a little more than a month, just in time to start the final season. Wow, I love tv.

    8) Simon Pegg. The best movie to watch on a plane is either bad movie that you can fall asleep to or funny movie that you’ve seen before, which basically means Simon Pegg’s Hot Fuzz or Shaun of the Dead. I can’t wait to add the next installment to this list, Paul, starring Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen, Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Jane Lynch, Sigourney Weaver, Blythe Danner, Joe Lo Truglio, John Carroll Lynch, David Koechner, and Jeffrey Tambor. This is going to be awesome.

    9) Chicago Blackhawks. I leave Chicago, and they turn into an NHL powerhouse. At least I can say that I was at the United Center for Jonathan Toews first career goal.

    10) Curling. CURLING IS COMING!!