Category Archives: the usual drivel

I don’t know where else to put this stuff

Small victories: Mets rival can only afford one ace edition

Posted on by
Reply

On behalf of all Mets fans, I would like to thank Jaime Moyer. He coupled aggressive negotiations during the 2008-2009 off-season, leading to a two-year $13 million deal, with terrible pitching during the 2009 campaign. The $6.5 million he’s owed in 2010 has inspired a remarkable series of events which has been a roller coaster of emotions for Phillies fans all over eastern PA and southern NJ finally resulting in the trade of ace pitcher Cliff Lee for the upcoming baseball season. Without Lee, the Phillies will be a merely a good National League team, not a potentially dominating team destined to reach the World Series.

So thanks Jaime Moyer, and give our best to Brad Lidge who, at $1 million per HR given up, earned every bit of his $11 million salary in 2009.

What kind of city is San Francisco?

Posted on by
1

It’s an un-American one, that’s what kind.

Chicago is an American city. Oakland is an American city. South Bend is an American city. Even Waldwick is an American city. And you damn well better believe New York is an American city.

Because in an American city, when you are angry, you can go to a batting cage.

But San Francisco has no batting cages. Ergo, this is not an American city.

Harriet Tubman was great, but not that great

Posted on by
1

Char wrote a post about Harriet Tubman, which reminded me of this episode from my youth.

In 6th grade, we were going to do a presentation that was a series of skits on the Civil War. One of the skits was about the Underground Railroad. The girl in charge thought it was literally an underground railroad and wrote the skit under this premise. I asked her if she really thought 1860s engineering was capable of a designing and building a nationwide subway system quiet enough to keep the entire project hidden and unknown to half of the country.

She still didn’t understand.

My only restitution was that from then on, I always put a bit of egg shell in any cupcakes or brownies I made for the class, with the hopes that she would end up eating the piece of shell. This may sound ridiculous, but it was more likely than an 1860s stealth slave-freeing subway system.

Thankfully, the entire performance was quashed before we could perform it in front of the school and parents.

Restoring my faith in humanity

Posted on by
3

Just when the Twins suffered a brutal defeat at Yankee Stadium, sending their season to the brink…

Just when I was facing a Notre Dame-less weekend and dreading the reality that I had to put on this shirt (Note that I am wearing the hat by design):

[Just to be clear, I did not buy this myself.]

Just when I had started three machines at laundromat, I knocked my book (Rock, Paper, Scissors – Game Theory in Everyday Life) down into the void behind the washing machines. From the end of the row I could see it standing up amid the pipes and cords and dust and socks in that place that only a licensed professional should go.

How do I describe this item? It’s not lost, because I know exactly where it is. I can see it even. It’s just inaccessible. Is it still mine even? Does it belong to the laundromat now? Forget these philosophical questions. Do I buy another copy of this book? I’m only on the third chapter, and not really enjoying it, but I do want to learn more about game theory…

Then the laundromat attendant guy shows up. I explain the situation. He starts laughing and looking around the washer. He is not optimistic, and tells me that the technician can get there from underneath the washer on Monday. Then we start to look at the counter for folding clothes that is back-to-back with the row of washing machines. He realizes that the panel underneath the counter is only held in place with a couple of screws. A couple minutes later, he grabs a power screwdriver from the laundromat office, removes the panel, and the book is recovered.

No guff, no you’ll have to call the owner, or I can’t help you. Just a laugh, and then let’s see what I can do. God bless the Sunset, and God bless America.

I’m as incompetent as the Mets

Posted on by
Reply

How I forget this headline from my last rant about the Mets is as appalling as the headline itself:

Livan Hernandez to first base?

There are occasions when a team might use a starting pitcher as a pinch hitter. Typically, the pitcher in question pinch hits for a relief pitcher (who gets very few plate appearances) when the team is trying to conserve a bench player or is out of bench players. Livan Hernandez has a lifetime batting average of .228, which is pretty good for a pitcher. So Livan Hernandez might be a guy a manager would consider using to pinch hit for a relief pitcher in a special circumstance.

HOWEVER.

Livan Hernandez’s role is first and foremost to act as a starting pitcher. Livan Hernandez is a terrible in this capacity. He should not be on any major league roster, as a pitcher, let alone as an option in the field. The fact that Jerry Manuel, the Mets’ manager, suggested to a member of the media that Livan Hernandez could be used at first base implies a level of roster mismanagement that is incomprehensible. The fact that this came up in any conversation is proof to me that Mets’ management is entirely devoid of competence and should be not be allowed to make any decisions of consequence.

Quantifying American Arrogance

Posted on by
1

As a scientist, I’m always looking for ways to quantify the seemingly unquantifiable. I think it’s safe to say that Americans are, whether justifiably or not, arrogant. But what portion of Americans are arrogant? A recent CBS poll finally revealed the answer:
[Palin Poll]
That’s right, 76% of Americans think they can decipher the capricious whims of Sarah Palin. The best I could manage was something about the industrial revolution and a puppy.

In other news, by CBS News math, 52 + 24 + 14 = 100. Furthermore, showed their financial prowess by ritualistically setting more than $732,000 on fire.

Why I Listen to NPR and You Should Too

Posted on by
Reply

In preparation for the 4th of July, NPR had a special Science Friday segment on homemade fireworks. Some of the highlights:

  • A guy on the northern border called in to say that his 4th of July tradition is to shoot fireworks at Canada.
  • Steel wool is not only flammable but makes a great display when ignited by a 9-volt battery and swung around on an unfolded wire hanger.
  • Host Ira Flatow loves hitting a whole set of caps with a hammer.

What a great country.