A few times a week I play the Sudoku in the Red Eye, the horrible free version of the Tribune. They list the time it took for this radio host John Williams. I hate looking at his smug face, so I really enjoy beating his time. For some reason, I usually have no chance against him on the easier puzzles early in the week, but I’m competitive on the tougher ones. Sometimes I win, sometimes not. But last Friday, I blew this clown out of the water:

Byahhh! 27 minutes, sucka!

Mel Dandy endured record high temperatures for the Chicago Marathon this past Sunday, completing the course in 5:12. The two times I was able to see her, she was running too fast for me to take a picture. At the third spot we planned to see her, she went by without a trace. Apparently she was running even faster at mile 21 than mile 10. Due to the weather, 10,000 people opted to skip the race entirely, and another 10,000 started but did not finish.

Yeah Wheels!

I recently won myself a $25 gift card for iTunes by winning an MLB weekly challenge on ProTrade.com. Here’s the proof:

My last win in a contest was the 1993 Electronic Gaming Monthly Super Tour Wing Commander: Secret Missions competition. I had played Wing Commander on PC and SNES quite a bit, so when I took my turn at the new Wing Commander: Secret Missions game, I was a natural. I think I shot down 16 enemies, and the most they had seen anyone shoot was like 10 at another stop on their mall tour. For my efforts, I won a copy of the new Wing Commander and this other game for SNES, Outlander. Outlander was a terrible game, but since it was a new release, I was able to sell it at Funcoland for enough money to buy a used GameBoy.

I am predicting that my next win will come in 2015 when I answer a trivia question about Kirby Puckett’s 1989 batting average title, which will earn me two tickets to a high school performance of Cats.

All hail the hydrogen bonds that keep cops safe and my tires inflated!

Mike Haeg is an American hero. In the spirit of the pioneers, he has founded his own town in Minnesota. It’s has a population of 4, and according to the town newspaper, the literacy rate is 25%. Haeg is a true renaissance man, serving as the town’s mayor, chamber of commerce, justice-of-the-peace, and town drunk. According to its listing on Google Maps, “The City of Mt. Holly is Minnesota’s newest community, a guerilla ad agency, and a picnicking xanadu all wrapped up in one.” It’s a xanadu, folks! And with exports of advertising, birdhouses, and old jokes, Mt. Holly’s economy is well suited for this crazy, post-9/11 world. It’s all very impressive.

MelDandy ponders,

Do you think that in heaven, shows like Arrested Development and Freaks and Geeks aren’t cancelled?

And that, my friends, is why she’s a dandy.

Since my initial rant about things I miss about the Bay Area, my local Trader Joe’s has started stocking the calzones that were the staple of my weekend lab lunches at Berkeley. Oh happy day!

#1: Drivers who don’t signal. Ever.
#2: NMR spectrometers on a different floor
#3: Undergrads on the elevators
#4: Three hour time difference to the east coast
#5: Use of the definite article before highway numbers (e.g. “the 80” in reference to I-80)
#6: “Pitch to Barry” signs and rubber chickens
#7: Fear that the earth will swallow me
#8: Stanfurd
#9: Waiting 30+ minutes for AC Transit #43 on Friday nights
#10: Neighbors that fight each other
#11: Travel time to the east coast