I was one of the last people in the world to acquire a cell phone. My opinion of a cell phone is how you would view gunpowder: it has real, beneficial uses, but usually it is abused to the point of wondering if we’d be better off without. In a perfect world, cell phones would be used in the following cases:

1) To coordinate the meeting of parties in a public place. Plans change, people run late. This is the ultimate use of the cell phone.
2) To reporting an emergency to the police, fire department, or paramedics.
3) To have a conversation with another person without disturbing or placing others in danger.

Notice I didn’t include cell phone usage while:

1) Driving.
2) Shopping.
3) Riding public transportation.

In fact, to prevent annoying the general public, I propose the following 2-part legislation:

1) Cell phones may not be used inside of any public building, public transportation, or by the operator of a vehicle.
2) All cell phones must be placed in silent mode while in public.

I think we can all agree that we have a bit of an energy problem in this country. Despite the fact that we’re invading places so we can control more oil, gas prices are hovering around $3.00 per gallon. With this in mind, does the best use of this non-renewable resource seem to be driving around in circles at 200 mph? And how exciting is it to watch these guys (gender neutral usage) turn left for 3 hours? It’s no wonder people are hoping for a crash or a wheel to fly into the stands.

Notice this post was not filed in the “Sports” category, since driving is not a sport; Hemingway be damned. Oh, and I’m not the only one who hates NASCAR. 2.3 million others agree. And those are just the ones who hate it enough to say so on the internet.